Existence
September 25, 2004
By Ryan Billington
Surrounded by blackness, confused and alone
The bleakness of my life stretching out before me
Cold, heartache, bitter disappointment penetrating at every point
I look down at the emptiness of myself and wonder
What does it mean? What is the point to this empty existence?
Floating through it all, watching the smoke of happiness clear away into grief
Helplessly stuck in the current as I watch everything disappear
To taste warmth, just to know the endless bitter cold that surrounds me
Stranded in this, a spectator watching life go by
Seeing, but never feeling
A shell filled with emptiness
Tortured by the blackness that cuts away at my soul
Living a lie, surrounded by a crowd, yet completely alone
No one seems to see or care as I begin to drowned in my void
Sinking into emptiness with nothing to hold onto
Scars from the shards of broken dreams leave deep cuts on my hands and mind
This black hole of fear and rejection pulls me down
The shimmering light slowly fades
Darkness is coming…
My hand floats above me, reaching for the light as everything is swallowed in blackness
I don’t know how long I have been in this darkness
The color of my memory fades, leaving me blind in this world
All of it is gone, replaced by endless night
Through the nothingness of this space, a distant speck of light appears
At first though almost invisible, it grows quickly
Suddenly I am awash in light
The brightness is almost unbearable, and pain overwhelms me
I’m surrounded by this light that reveals all, and knows everything about me
Yet it stays, seeing my faults, accepting me as I am
As I adjust, I begin to see clearly
I find a point to in my life, my existence
Overtime, something inside me begins to change
This black hole inside of me,
A vacuum of darkness, emptiness, and despair, is slowly being transformed
The shadows in my soul retreat, the Son comes into view
This purpose, this meaning soaks into my being
Light pierces the darkness of my soul
This is my purpose
To radiate this Light to everything around me
To show others in darkness the purpose of existence
To be a light to my world
