Monday, November 22, 2010

Bodies and Beehives: the Sociobiology of Virtue


Bodies and Beehives:  the Sociobiology of Virtue

By Ryan Billington


                So — the confession.  I’m an upper classman science major — a predisposition I feel might forewarn you to the perspective that originates the forthcoming article.  It seems the longer I stay on this Walla Wallaian campus, the more I notice the subtle departmental nuances residing in students prescribed to a particular curriculum:  the oddities of those engineering personalities, the quirks of the music majors, the idiosyncrasies of the English department or the art majors, or the quirks of those focused on the pursuit of better business abilities.  And we biology and chemistry majors are no different.  My upper division classes coagulate the oddities of the science-minded, producing discussions in Rigbyspeak of heterotrophic systems, isotypes, oxidative phosphorylation, and hyperconjugation … gobbledygook which might make a few of you feel ill upon mere mention.  But the gobbledygook fades to a whisper as we disperse from our upper division lectures and return to normal life, in which our scientific gibberish slips out only on occasion, leaving communications majors with that hint of a feeling, “What is up with those Rigbytarians?”

                I’m taking a class called sociobiology.  It’s a hush-hush upper division biology endeavor that examines the social behaviors of humans from an evolutionary perspective.  Evolution, by the way, just refers to change.  We talk about how things change, develop, come to be the norm in human social interactions.  And for things to become the norm, they must be passed on — an idea that we describe as evolutionary fitness:  the ability of an individual to get his or her DNA material onto the next generation.  So … don’t tell, but we might discuss “reproduction activities” fairly often.  And the cover of my sociobiology book might make you blush.  Random fact:  a few sociobiologists might appear as pornographers to the uneducated.  No further comment.

                But in my sociobiology class, we examine human behavior, specifically, how it benefits individuals and their evolutionary fitness.  Lately, we’ve been considering vice and virtue.  Here’s a perspective on the two from author Matt Ridley — see if you agree.  He says, “Selfishness is almost the definition of vice … murder, theft, rape, and fraud are considered crimes of great importance because they are selfish or spiteful acts that are committed for the benefit of the actor [at] the detriment of the victim.”  Matt believes that virtue lies on the opposite side of the fence, that “virtue is, almost by definition, [doing] the greater good of the group …  [that] cooperation, altruism, generosity, sympathy, kindness, selflessness — are all unambiguously concerned with the welfare of others,” (Ridley, pg. 38).

                Here’s a sociobiological problem:  it seems life does not favor the truly selfless or virtuous.  Yet, virtue is an idea that spans ethnicities and oceans.  We could perhaps even say it seems inherent in humanity.  How can virtue stick around when it seems that those who “turn the other cheek” will most likely end up ravaged in our dog-eat-dog world?  My life experience causes me to believe that the world will always contain people who will take advantage of kindness, generosity, and trust.  So how does virtue survive?  How can it when it seems that any virtue-embodying DNA would quickly be used, scammed, abandoned, enslaved, and starved into extinction?

                To answer this question, jump with me to beehives.  In his book, “The Origins of Virtue:  Human Instincts and the Evolution of Cooperation,” Matt Ridley brings up a point I find interesting.  When we think of the beehive, we perceive it as a truly incredible society that works so fluidly, so perfectly due to the self-sacrifice of each member.  Each bee is altruistic, sacrificing self for the greater good of the colony.  Thus, bees succeed through their virtue.  This is our perspective (according to Matt).

Or, consider the second example Matt poses:  the inner-workings of our own bodies.  Your body is composed of organ systems—the nervous system with your brain and spine, or the cardiac system with your heart and arteries and veins—which are composed of organs, composed of tissues, composed of cells all of which work together for the betterment of the whole.  Each for the life of all.  Each as a piece of a biological mosaic that goes around, giving the other pieces high fives as they work together for that next heartbeat, that next stride, that next … you get the idea.  Now, let us consider cancer by the same perspective.  A cancer cell refuses to die when the body asks for its sacrifice, refuses to stop multiplying despite the body’s request.  We perceive cancer as being selfish, of doing what’s best for itself to the detriment of the body.  And cancer generates mayhem … due to its vice of selfishness.  Therefore, we perceive that virtue and selflessness create the best — as with our bodies and bees — while vice and selfishness cause death.   

                Problem is, this perception is flawed.  A beehive is not an altruistic place.  And cancer is no more selfish than any other cell — it is merely less successful.  In the beehive, selflessness is achieved by the manipulation of selfishness.  To ensure that the innately selfish workers act toward a selfless end, the queen sterilizes the worker bees, rendering them infertile.  The infertile bee’s only hope of survival, of passing its genes on to the next generation, lies in the success of the group of bees — in the success of the hive.  The genius of the beehive is not altruism.  It is directed selfishness.  The same is true of our bodies:  “The whole system is beautifully designed so that the self-interested ambitions of each cell can only be satisfied by the cell doing its duty for the body,” (Ridley, pg. 46).  Our bodies offer the reward of reproduction to each cell, but only if the cell chooses selfless actions for the sake of the body.  It is merely in the selfish cell’s best interest to act selflessly as to achieve its selfish desires of proliferating.

Thus, the illusion of virtue is achieved:  selfishness appears selfless.  Bodies and beehives are not testimonies to virtue, but to virtue-plated vice.  The cancer cells we despise simply go about selfishness the wrong way — a less successful way — in the end.  

To the point:  perhaps we are deceiving ourselves.  We claim to love serving others, but perhaps, in the end, it is only ourselves that we love serving.  Are we living lives of pseudo-virtue?  Virtue born from vice?  Could it be that we, as smart Adventists, recognize it is easier to play along with the rules, to play along with the lifestyle in our subculture?  To receive for our masks the great rewards of self-righteousness and good social standing … 

Perhaps.  Perhaps … when we give to charity, we give out of a need to feel that we are good, generous people in order to create the emotions of pseudo-care and pseudo-concern for individuals whose needs we will — most likely — never again acknowledge in our everyday lives.  Do we really care if they’re Ugandans or from Honduras?  Or do we merely seek a cause “worthy” enough to deceive our pseudo-generosity?  And for those of us who search out such projects, do we deserve applause?  Or are we merely looking for something big enough to make us feel Christian?  While, perhaps, enjoying that substantial addition to our resumes …

Let me be blunt.  My hesitancy about our Christian society and my fears for my own spiritual walk in our Adventist subculture culminate in these observations.  When we interact with others, we love those we like the most and belittle those we like the least, creating pseudo-community.  We love when it’s easy and convenient, but most of all, when we can benefit ourselves.  We pseudo-love the powerful, the beautiful, and those we admire on the chance that they will return the favor and boost our pseudo self-esteem.  And we pseudo-love Jesus … because … perhaps we don’t really know Him; because perhaps He is not really convenient; because perhaps … perhaps I only understand life through the lens of my pseudo-love for me.

A professor from this campus who I deeply respect — a sociobiologist, in fact — sparked the following thought.  It seems “good” and “bad” are titles we humans assign to everything we encounter in life from a restaurant’s food quality, to a vacation, to a person’s character.  But might I suggest that notions of “good” and “bad” are often superficial — merely dependent on action.  We believe that it’s “good” to stop and help someone on the side of the road, that it’s “bad” to act spitefully, and generally, that we should be “good” people by being nice to those around us.  And I find it tempting to bring these labels of “good” and “bad” into deeper issues of faith, salvation, and Jesus.  That it’s “good” to have time with God each day, that it’s “good” to go to church, or read my Bible.  And I’m tempted to believe the sum of these “good” things makes my life virtuous.  

But perhaps true virtue — true righteousness — depends solely on the motive, on the heart, on the reasons behind the action.  That truly virtuous acts are almost afterthoughts; not pre-determined goals.  Perhaps a Christian lifestyle is only virtuous — only meaningful and truly “good” — when it overflows from the heart … the fruit of a sincere, beautiful and broken love for Jesus.  And perhaps it is only by our hearts that we might sense if our virtuous Christianity is the fruit of God’s virtue, or merely an incredible self-deception. 

A thought I’ll leave you with:

“The cooperation and progress inherent in human society are the result not of benevolence, but of the pursuit of self-interest.  Selfish ambition leads to industry [that feeds thousands]; resentment discourages aggression [while increasing productive competition]; vanity can be the cause of acts of kindness [that save millions of lives].”


All quotes taken from Matt Ridley’s “The Origins of Virtue:  Human Instincts and the Evolution of Cooperation.”

Saturday, August 28, 2010

CM--Larger than Life


For Camp MiVoden’s Book of Remembrance
August 28, 2010
Camp MiVoden—
                There are memories here of people that were larger than life, whose actions, lifestyles, and self-sacrifice awoke in me dreams of what I might one day be like for Christ; leadership styles that accepted people, nurtured their potential and cared for their wounds and faults; lives that emanated a vision, a purpose of selfless love shown in service in the everyday to awkward teens, newer staff, and those lost in the lie that focusing on self and my own needs brings happiness.  I remember working with these giants—these very real, breathing, visionary Christians living their passion for Jesus and others.  I remember the dramas, the energy and personality poured in to transform them into freakishly powerful, dynamic allegories of truths I felt in my life.  I remember the feeling of belonging, of acceptance, the excitement I felt to be part of something so deep, so real, which I could choose to be part of.
                For you, Reader, this is my challenge,  Choose to be part of that vision, that group reaching beyond our assigned responsibilities to personally connect and love others—both campers and staff.  Older staff, Directors of areas—you are responsible for demonstrating, exciting, focusing, creating this vision, this kind of purpose and focus at Camp.  This is an incredible opportunity.  I pray you take it.  I pray you feel that dream, and that you feel it embody itself in your actions, into the very fabric of who you are.  May you, by your love and investment in service, through God’s power and repainting of you, become larger than life…
                                                                                                               

                                                                                     Ryan Billington
                                                                                                         Philippians 3: 7-14

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Beyond Being a Teacher

Beyond being a teacher



from Mr. Billington

To my students…

Well guys, where to start. 

Thank you—I think that’s a good place to start.  Thank you for putting up with me as your teacher, and for perhaps even sending a smile or two my direction from time to time.  Thanks for putting up with me sleeping through class, stuttering through explanations, losing a paper or two, and severely misjudging you more times than once.  Thanks for providing the stress and struggle needed for me to make some really awesome insights into myself, people, and life.  Though teaching here has been one of the hardest, most discouraging things I’ve ever done, I will miss Pohnpei… almost exclusively because of you guys.

Sadly, I think friendship and teaching do not go hand-in-hand.  I feel that I hardly know so many of you, and that you guys have seen someone in front of the classroom every day who is barely me.  It’s almost like teaching is a show, an act that I put on, and I’m playing a part… anyway, I’m writing this letter to share a few parting words about the things that I hold to be truly important in life… yes… more than Algebra I, Physics, and Biology (or English 11).  Believe it or not, it feels like six months ago I was in your shoes… high school, the wide-open and slightly scary yet exciting horizon of life gaping before me, trying to figure out what was important, and what was important about me.  Here are a few things I feel I couldn’t share as your teacher about what I’ve found out about life… again, this is only me speaking about what I know.  These insights are not facts—just things I’ve found to be true—and they might not be true for you, but I feel compelled to share them.

When all is said and done, I think its relationships that make you happy in life, both in the long run and the day to day.

I think that knowledge is power, guys.  Good power.  In interactions with others, knowledge of who I am and why I react certain ways or feel certain emotions, knowledge of the financial world of jobs and success and opportunity, knowledge of the basic needs and desires of people—needs and desires that exist simply because they are human… such knowledge gives me incredible opportunities.  Strive for knowledge.  You create who you are, and you are the only one who will determine how much you know in and about life.

I think my world opens up when I listen to the insights of others.  I spend far too little time listening, and far too much time trying to make others listen and understand me.  It’s so easy to believe that everything in life is about me, and to only see my needs while ignoring the needs of those around me.  But it’s a strange thing—when I seek to meet other people’s needs, mine own needs are fulfilled more fully and deeply than ever.

Beauty is a blessing and a curse, girls.  Men chase women because we think they are the great adventure of life, but then we don’t know what to do when we catch the girl… we get bored, and start looking around again for another adventure.  The best dating relationships are the deepest friendships that grow beyond being merely friends.  Dating should be fun—if you aren’t having stellar times together (and believe it or not everyone, physical stuff gets does get old…), then something is not quite right.

God is not about church, church people, not doing drugs and alcohol, or reading the Bible 24/7.  For me, God is about the best and fullest way to live life.  Salvation simply comes down to a simple question:  do I think I’m broken, messed up, and that God knows a better way to live?  And do I want to try (and fail, but hey… I’m trying and that’s what counts) to live that way? 

Though God saves us, I can help choose how useful of a tool I can be in this world.  Strive to make yourself the best person you can, especially in how you interact with people… yet remember it is Jesus who saves us, and changes us when we are helpless to change ourselves.

For me, Christianity isn’t about some guy that died on a cross 2,000 years ago.  I follow Jesus because of what he did in my life yesterday, and last week.  I follow Jesus because something inside me wants to believe in him, to hope that there is something more to life.  And that “something more” didn’t happen 2,000 years go… I saw it 5 minutes ago in a kid’s smile, and this morning in how one of you forgave me after I blew up at you…

Lastly, none of this matters unless you believe you’re worth something… unless you believe that you have something to offer the world.  That you are unique.  That you are special.  Guys (a term where I’m from that just means “everyone”), you’ve changed my life, and I barely know you.  Every person has something to offer this world—a perspective completely unique to them.  Did you know that the greatest insights in science were made by scientists comparing their insights and findings with each other?  The greatest accomplishments of the world come through different, shared perspectives… and how you see the world is a perspective completely unique to you.  You can offer me something that no one else in the entire universe can… and my world can be made better and broader by being friends with you, and attempting to see the world through your eyes.  I hope you learn to see each person as a perspective of infinite value.

Third quarter was incredibly hard for me this year.  Losing my English 11 class, and picking up Algebra 1 made it feel like I was starting over.  Every teacher goes through a period where we have to be really strict—I call it the “hate phase” because all your students hate your guts, and for good reason *laughs*.  But now, with our Nett adventures and your jokes, awesome smiles, and hellos, I feel like a lot you guys have become my friends this last quarter.  And your friendship makes the ridiculously long hours of grading, struggling attempts to make class interesting and academically stellar, and the occasional bit of classroom hell… your friendship makes it all worth it.  Thank you for joking around with me, for still be friendly even after a crack down in class, and for giving me something terrific to remember about Pohnpei—and that’s you guys… *laughs* yes, even the guys who gave me that bit of classroom hell.  I’ll remember each one of you because of this:  you have become part of my story, part of my life, and molded the very fabric of who I am.   This year will always have a special place in my heart… thanks for teaching me, guys.

Sincerely,


Ryan Billington




Monday, March 15, 2010

The Wind

The Wind
by Ryan Billington
March, 2010

I wonder, I wonder...
if here or there you be;
but thoughts are what determine place...
While the physical is a mere temporary sea.

If the physical is the water over which we glide,
it carries our boats of life along.
But thoughts--perspective, personality, mind--
is the wind which draws my song.

And though our breath is sustained by wood
Which keeps us from the water,
The boat is not what makes us live—
It is the wind which drives our charter

The wind—which pushes beyond time and space
Which beckons my boat away
To leave the physical here and gone
That we might be this day

Monday, February 15, 2010

On Love and Brokenness

On Love and Brokenness
Thoughts by Ryan Billington
February, 2010

What is it—miracle or devil—that causes us to believe in love?  What is it—miracle or devil—that begs inside of us to believe in hope?  What is it—miracle or devil—that compels us to believe that good wins out?

For though love is true, we know it is not life that loves.  Nature is chance, and life begets neither compassion nor pardon for the living.  And we love not life, for we see the tragedy and injustice that life brings both to the good and the wicked, that time and chance really do happen to us all.  No, it is not life we love, but the people that life brings our way.  And because of these two undeniable truths that live etched in our veins, there lives—in our hearts—another.  This third truth we live, breathe, see, and feel, yet it struggles to find expression.  Often the greatest truths are those beyond the description of mere letters.  Truths of light.  Truths of black.  And this third truth is an enigma wreathed in both—light shadowed by darkness.  The best bound to the broken.

Love is not happiness.  Love does not win.  The way of love is better, it’s path fuller.  But the choice to love is a choice to be broken.

Deep inside the inner soul of humanity lives a knowing, a feeling that something about the human condition is broken.  Tragic.  Melancholic.  The human story is the search—giving, receiving, experiencing—love.  And love… love is a journey—a journey that contains the best, the fullness, the essence of life itself.  Yet it is a path that whispers of an ache.

For though love is the most powerful of forces, love is a gift.  A choice risked to be given, a risk chosen to be received.  And some of those dearest to us will not take it.

True life is inseparable from love, for by choosing one, we find it requires the other.  The brokenness of life, the broken quality that yields the tragic nature of the human existence is simply this—if we love, we will be broken.  And from this knowledge comes one of the most beautiful decisions any could make:  to love despite the risk, despite the coming heart break.  There is beauty in such a decision… beauty in such pain…

The beauty of love is shown in suffering.

Sunday, November 15, 2009

Life of a Student Missionary


Life of a student missionary

By Ryan Billington
Written in November, 2009

            “I am a student missionary.”  A phrase with a thousand different meanings to a thousand different people.  Missionary… personally, I think the word sounds a bit detached from the modern world, as if it jumped into the 21st century out of the pages of a dusty old book from the 1800s and walks around today, towing with it connotations of responsibility, and a feeling that the words “revival”, “tent meeting”, and “evangelistic series” should soon follow.  But that’s just me.
For most students, the word is very much a mystery, an enigmatic plane ticket to unknown opportunities far away from College Place and onion fields, and far away from home.  And for the hundreds and hundreds of students that have grasped that ticket to the far, far away, it is memories of those long months that have forever shaped who they are.
            Many imagine the exotic—doing great works, the awe of a new place, people, or culture; it’s easy for the mind to cling to expectations of something new, awesome, and transcendent on the other side of the world.  And yes—it does seem incredibly new…  Yet despite the 6-inch praying mantis on my porch, dodging the 3-foot bunch of bananas hanging from my ceiling, and the jungle threatening to burst upon the school campus, it seems the person experiencing these things is still me.  Myself.  Here.  In Pohnpei.  I went half way around the world for something transcendent, yet here I am—with the same favorite foods, bad habits, joys, relationship difficulties, and self-addiction.  Apparently, who you are follows you around the world.  It’s difficult to escape from yourself.
Though my surroundings keep hinting that I am in a completely different world, the sledgehammer blow must be awarded to the change in what I’m supposed to do.  I haven’t turned in any assignments in the last four months, or dodged a car while crossing College Avenue, or worried about making enough money to pay for next quarter, or wondered if I have enough time to make it through the cafeteria line and finish the assignment for my one o’clock.  Apparently, teaching as an SM comes with different responsibilities, expectations, and very different struggles. 
A quick opinion based off four short months of experience—I think teaching is job loaded with the potential for struggle.  I struggle to cover material, to teach that material well, to decipher a way to make that material interesting for thirty-some different viewpoints, to find healthy expectations for students’ performance and ability to do work, and to control a classroom of 30 high school students only slightly younger than me so that learning might triumph over chaos.  I struggle to inspire a desire to learn, to connect personally with these kids of mine, to inspire hopes and dreams, to show them a God who breathes and wears contacts… it’s a very intimidating experience to be handed the attention of a hundred different teenagers for nine months.  The sobriety of being entrusted with such responsibility beyond the betterment of yourself hits you fast.  It’s as if I suddenly, and unwillingly, have been pushed into the selfless lifestyle Jesus calls us to.  My job, my responsibilities, my struggles are all supposed to be about bettering a hundred high school students for nine months.
I think selfless struggle is the pixie dust of the SM experience.  It’s the potion that, should I chose to drink it, could cause this year to have such a huge effect on who I am or may become.  A wise person once said that our greatest struggles often become the cornerstones of meaning in our later lives.  But I think that is only true if we’re struggling to better someone other than ourselves, that it’s only true if my energy is being deposited into something from which I cannot expect any sort of return.  I put hours of effort into lessons, lectures, graded papers, and class materials, hoping that my students might choose to benefit from what I hope to give them.  But I have no power to force them to choose to benefit from my work, or to see my effort to help them, or to see my hopes for their friendship.  The choice is theirs.  Its like one of those blue mail drop boxes… once I drop a letter in, I have yet to find how I can force the drop box to give it—or anything—back. 
A guy named Rob Bell says that “Love is a giving up of power.”  Perhaps that explains why the SM experience has wrapped—somewhere inside of it—insight into the mystery of why love and service are so connected, of how Jesus lived a life of such selfless service.  It’s really hard to continue pouring your life and self into something you don’t love. 
Perhaps the mystery of selfless service, of humbly handing out pieces of yourself because of a desire to better others, contains insight into what a God with contacts might look like. 
Of the vulnerability, investment, and risk of such a God…

Of the vulnerability of relationship…

Of the hurting power we hand to those we love…

Of the ability of the human heart to ache…

Of the brokenness of humanity… 

Of why selfishness is so safe… 

And of why selfless struggle carries such an unnervingly large power to change us.  

Wednesday, December 19, 2007

Disconnect


Disconnect
12/19/07
By Ryan Billington

            There is a disconnect in life—a gap between the lives we envision ourselves living and how that vision is played out on the canvas of reality.  We, despite towering expenses of energy and effort, are not what we try to be.  This principle proves true for all, save a very few odd exceptions.  Mentally, physically, socially, relationally—we are not, have not, do not, and can not do or be what we desire.  From these inadequacies come elements fundamental to humanity:  achievement, failure, desire for self-improvement, disappointment—even depression, the ultimate mental struggle with darkness, doubt, and failure. 
The frame of disconnect that I am referring to, however, is the social facet of this almost universal truth.  So often the portrayal of ourselves—through the avenues of gesture, word, and deed—that we instinctively, as if by default, display is not set by what we ourselves see as admirable and good.  Instead, it is set by social “requirements”—expectations set in the mind of us, the responders, that produce such stereotypical action if only because such action is safe, tried, proven.  Perhaps for some, confidence is lacking, particularly in the mental and communicative abilities to comprehend, process, and respond in a desired fashion.  I find myself aboard that boat quite often.  A fear of silence—of time between the message and the response—seems to dominate actions.  Or perhaps a desire to display particular admirable and desirable personal characteristics changes the way we act around the unfamiliar and ever changing social setting.  This assumption explains the fear and anxiety felt in the unchartered social setting. 
But why?  Why is there a gap between who we are and whom we display?  An individual with an extraordinary array of interesting ideas, talents, and skills is cornered into silence and must fight to break free of the very real and present chains that create tension and restrain a natural way of interacting.  And why is this so?  Simply because the individual is around a large group of his fellow mankind.  I believe that inside the soul of each individual is a most fundamental and basest of fears—the fear of being alone.  Rejection, dislike—the fear of being unwanted and undesired has touched every soul that has set foot on this planet.  Why is that interesting individual intimidated into silence?  Because this fear is waiting—waiting for justification, for proof that the ghosts and whispering doubts of his soul are correct and true.
And so we become not ourselves, but cardboard cutouts that seek to display what we “truly are.”  I have a desire:  to be me—wherever, whenever, why ever.  To be free from walls I build in my mind that funnel social behavior into something determined by bandwagon fallacy to be acceptable; to be perfectly alright with the momentary portrayal of me to seem strange—not in a creepy or disturbing or unhealthy way, but just to be honestly me.  This is the climax of personal security.  Social boundaries and boarders are essential to life.  Insulting, offending, and disturbing others is not acceptable or healthy.  But being true to that unique originality that rests inside the hidden corners of each face and soul is a mountaintop for personal maturity.  However, I do know a mountain guide:  an excitement and willingness to explore and justify ideas outside our own way of thinking, the only safeguard to keep a mind at the mountain’s peak instead of a crevasse.